LIFE

I have not come to terms with Mortality, mine or others. Going to funerals breaks me down, it dosen't matter how well I know the person because I feel for the family and other friends that have been left behind. They have to cope with this loss and I have been there and understand how they must be feeling. I have lost many people who were unbelievably close to me, my family, and friends. Trying to sit through the service is a struggle, but I lose it everytime when they play a specific song, On Eagles Wings, every time it brings tears to my eyes. Ok maybe tears is not a strong enough word, down pouring of tears and sobs. I can't even hear that song without it bringing back memories of sadness, which is heartbreaking because it is such a beautiful song. It should remind me that they are home with Him in heaven and all the pain that was felt here is now vanished.

I am not sure why it is so hard for me to think of death. It could be it's perminence or the unknown. I know that being a catholic teaches us that there is life after death and we will be reunited with our loved ones when our life here on earth is over. But still after 12 years in Catholic school, I am still unsure. I can honestly say that I have no idea how I will deal with the loss of parents and grandparents when their time has come. It kills me a little everytime I even think of it. One day maybe I will figure it out if He wants me to.

So, I have decided that I will not think of what is to come and when, just how I can live life every day to the fullest. I want my life to mean something, beyond what it does to my family. I want to reach others and better their lives. As of this week I am putting my action plan together and I will ensure that when I leave my legacy will not.